“You will dead lef work, work will not dead lef you.” Jamaican Saying.
Slowing down has always been a challenge for me. In the past I felt so much resistance to slowing down. Slowing down felt like a betrayal to myself and the productivity that I was so committed to. I felt like I would fall behind if I slowed down. I felt that things wouldn’t get done and people would perceive me as lazy for not being productive at all times and at all costs.
I now know that attempting to be productive in the moments that I really needed to rest was the ultimate betrayal. The betrayal to my body and my whole self. When my body was speaking to me, I wasn’t listening.
I was shutting it down and carrying on. I was ignoring the subtle signs like feeling more tired than usual, exhaustion that could not be relieved by a full nights sleep, the sharp pains that radiated through my hips and legs, the brain fog, taking longer to do just about anything that required me to engage my brain. Not to mention, the several extra cups of coffee required to get through the day, the sugary sweets to pep up the energy the coffee wasn’t giving me, going through the motions of conversations, meetings, life stuff that had to be done and required attention and focus that I just didn’t have. I was seeing the signs as little inconveniences rather than my body signalling to me that, hey we are not ok!
Time and time again, I would end up in the midst of a full blown health crisis and feel like the trust between my body and I was broken, because how could all of this stuff be happening inside me and I not know until I’m doubled over, in agony and waiting for an ambulance.
The truth was, the signs were always there. I was just in denial. Denial was easier to contend with than what could be coming next for me, because whatever it was meant that I would not be in control. The reality was that whatever it was, was happening and there was nothing I could do about it. I was scared.
However, rest to me now is sacred and is something that I actively look forward to doing. I understand now that rest is not a luxury, it is a necessity on par with essentials like breathing and eating cake.
Rest is a right and one that needs to be exercised and honoured in all the ways. Maybe your version of rest involves lots of blankets, meditation, sitting in the garden or watching films. Whatever it looks like for you, do it and do it fully. Your body will thank you and the world will go on without your productivity, despite how amazing you are.
The times when life slows you down may feel inconvenient as there is always something to do. Life will aways be lifing, but I’ve found that the beauty in resting is the space it creates to reflect on your life and yourself, if one feels brave enough. It enabled me to ask myself how I got here. Again!
In those tough moments I wondered how much I trusted myself to come back to all the things I had to do before life hit the breaks.
- Did I trust myself enough to know that I would get back to my life with the same energy and will as before?
- Does the fact that I am resting make me lazy?
- Will I be more efficient and ready for my life to begin again when I am feeling better or will I be out of the loop?
- Do I even like the life that I will be getting back to when I’m well enough?
The stories I’ve told myself to stop myself from resting have been countless, but the opportunity to dig a bit deeper into my issues with resting enabled me to free myself from old stories that were dragging me down at a moment in my life when I needed to keep my spirits up. I was resting because I needed to, my body was healing and that takes time. I began to trust that I would take the rest I needed when I needed it and then when the time was right, I would get back to life.
By Tara James
