“Colours, like features follow the changes of the emotions.” Pablo Picasso
There are moments when sadness just wells up inside like a volcano and the tears seem like they’ll never end. It’s like having a good belly cry, or if anyone saw you it’d be classed as that ugly cry that ruins your makeup and makes your eyes go all puffy.
It’s that cry that makes you wonder if you can even take in enough air to cry some more, the cry to end all cries that you’ve done before, because this moment is the worst moment of your life. There can’t possibly be a way back from this and if there is, in that moment you sure can’t see it.
I can’t quite pin point the day I realised for myself that I was not my emotions and truly believed it. I think it maybe happened over time, after a lifetime of shedding tears that would come and go at tough moments and at moments that I wasn’t expecting. The cries that happened when I didn’t even know what I was crying for but the minute I let it out, I couldn’t stop.
Then after the tears comes the relief, my breathing steadies and my shoulders relax and I wonder how I managed to keep all those tears inside for so long. It’s almost like opening the lid on a fizzy drink that falls on the floor. The drink goes everywhere, but somewhere in the mess, it releases the pressure and then I feel better. Then if I feel brave enough, I lean into the travesty and try to find the treasure.
I found that although giving myself time to sit with my emotions was tough, knowing that on the other side of that feeling is another feeling that may not feel so intense, reminds me that this moment will pass, just like all the other moments before them.
With love, Tara x
